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Friggin City - Chpt.5

Diddy like to believe that she was a great driver. In 10th grade she took drivers ed and her teacher was Mr. Drunkstead. He was a little creepy. Almost pervert looking. I think he was drunk most of the time to be honest with you. She would have to drive one of the junky old cars, tune her radio to the proper channel and drive around and try to avoid the cones. It didn't matter if she hit them or not. Mr. Drunkstead always thought it was Diddy's fault. She would be cruisin along, mindin her bidness and all the sudden she would hear, "SPAZEN!" Thanks Diddy's last name. She is kind of a spaz. It fits.

Well she passed her written test with no problems, but it was the driving test she has issues with. I would like to point out that she is left handed and that is her excuse for most her problems. You throw like a two year old! comment back, "Oh yeah, well I'm left handed." You can't dance! replying, "Suck it! I am left handed."

As she was driving around Friggin City, she was suppose to turn here, park there, signal, lane change. You know the drill. Well, when Mr. Drunkstead was in the passenger seat Diddy would get a really attitude. Not sure if it was cause she got a contact drunk from him or if it was because he was a complete douche canoe. Anyhow, It was time for her road test. They pull up to the red light on the corner of Forest and Main and she is signaling to turn right. She stops looks both ways and waits for the green. He tells her you can turn right on a red light. So the next light on 1st south, it's red, she turns right, no stopping. After all that what he told her. FAIL #1.

Next test. She is driving down 3rd west, I believe it is the one with very few stop signs. Well she is all bad ass and cruisin in the gimp mobile and runs a stop sign. FAIL#2

#3 was the kicker, if she didn't pass this, she would be S.W.N.L. which means sixteen with no license and that my friend is how do you say it, SHIT - TAY!  So she turns correctly, signals properly, lane change like a pro. The challenge, if she chose to accept it was, DUH NUH NUH! Parallel park in front of Lert's Cafe. 

She was so sick and tired of the drunk man, she got angry, pulled up, popped that sucker into reverse and BAM!  Stop. What are you thinking right now? Are you thinking holy crap. Diddy nailed a car? You are, aren't you. NOPE! She nailed the parking spot, slipped right in like the knife that Dexter sticks right in your heart while you are wrapped up in saran wrap looking at all the people who have harmed. Well, you get the point.

She passed that test, finally on the 3rd try. She was legal. Her parent gave her the Ford Tarus wagon. It had a cool code on the door to unlock it. 7-6-9-6-9. Maroon and could fit a ton of people. Her friend, Raspusha drove a station wagon as well. It was one of those bitch'n long yellow ones with the wood panels. Wicked awesome. They parked up in the east parking lot. Everyone had their own spots up there. It was a great group of peeps and super duper fun.

Well there was these two boys in particular that Diddy had no liking for. They were always very shitty to her and one day after razzing her all day, she decided that was it. Those bitches are going down. So she throws that ford Taurus wagon into reverse and proceeds to back up to get a better run at these to guys. She didn't look behind her, which is where she get into a bit of a "incident." 

As Diddy was backing up she hear this THUD! So, she stopped. Got out and went.. you guessed it, OH SHIT! She hit a girl. Not a car, dog or a leprechaun. It was an actual person, walking. She knew she was in a whole heap of crap. The girl looked at her and Diddy looked back as the strange, disoriented girl wandered through the parking lot. Diddy stood there and assumed that she was fine. As I always say, "Assume make an ASS outta U and ME." Well she wasn't ok, she came back down to the car, holding her head where she got hit and said she has just one question. "Was that on purpose?" Diddy looked at her and with an unusually odd smirk and replied, "Oh honey, if it was on purpose I wouldn't have stopped. I don't even know who you are." The girl then said ok and walked back up.

Needless to say, Diddy never tried to intentionally hit someone with a car again. Although she did, later in life. But he was in the way.

Stay tuned for Chpt. 6

Friggin City - Chpt. 4

A journey is defined as: a mission that could take a long ass time. If your checking the Urban Dictionary that is. Today's 'journey" takes place .. OK, it's not a journey. I just really liked the definition.

Today's troubles started when Diddy was in 7th grade. She had become more aware of the way she looked. Making sure her hair is just so, make up and her new hobby, plucking those Caterpillar eyebrows. Diddy use to love to watch her sister get ready in the morning. Messica was one of the "cool kids" at school. She always had perfect hair, clothes that were stylin and the cutest boys around her.So Diddy started paying attention to how she was doing it and followed closely behind. She worshiped that girl. Think she still does. AWE, tender monent, wipe the tear, *sniff*sniff*..

Diddy was in the kitchen cleaning up and doing the dishes. Her mother, Dirty D, had made scones the night before so there was a pot of grease on the stove top. Diddy turned that on to melt it so she could pour it back into the original container and throw it away. It never occurred to Diddy to just scoop the solid grease out and throw that way.

She was more of , how do I out this, Mad Scientist that new nothing. I suppose. She and her brother's use to take all the spices out of the cupboard, the soy sauce, mustard, pickle juice and basically whatever they could get their hands on, mix it all together to see what disgusting concoction they could come up with. Now that Diddy is older, she realizes the cost that goes behind spices and such and once again, would like to send out a sincere apology to her mother for the amount of money she wasted.

Back to the story. Diddy turned the stove on and proceeded to melt the grease. She didn't think to look to see what temperature it was set at and later found out why you don't melt grease on high, but that was just the 1st mistake. She finished cleaning and went into her mom's bathroom, climbed up on the the counter and started plucking her eyebrows. That was her 2nd mistake. After about 5-10 minutes Diddy started to smell something strange. Then all of the sudden she hears this horrific PLOP! She looked away from the mirror and almost in slow motion like on The Christmas Story she though SSSSHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIITTT! Not fudge, she didn't say fudge. but she does like walnut fudge that her Auntie makes. BTW

She jumped off the counter and ran to the kitchen. The grease was a blazing! She paniced and started screaming for her Mom. All the while thinking, Holy shit, my ass is grass.. I am DONE SON! Out like the red headed step child. Aborted at age 13. Her Mom came hauling butt up the stair and freaked. Now, if you knew Diddy's mother she is very sweet, very proper. But when Diddy's Mom got mad, HELL HATH NO FURY like Dirty D. But we totally deserved some of the wrath we got. I mean really, she burned down the NEWLY remodeled kitchen.

Dirty D grabbed a lid and put the fire out. Diddy stared in awe at the charred wood work above the stove, the melted light covers and knew that I was out of luck on this one. No superman could save Loise Lane from this pickle. Oddly enough Dirty D said only a few words to Diddy. And they are as follows:

                                             "YOU RUINED MY PAN!"

She though, are you serious?! I just lit your kitchen on fire and you are mad about the pan? Wow, Diddy was expecting to be sent out to live in the dog house or something worse. Having to pack my things and go live at the neighbor's house. *Shivers* Now that would have been a hell that no child would have ever wished on anyone else.

But, all ended better than Diddy had thought, I don't know how long she was grounded for, but I know it was a coon's age. Which according the the Urban Dictionary is roughly 8 1/2 years.

So that's the story of  Grease Lighting.

Stay Tuned for Chpt. 5

Friggin City - Chpt. 3

Today, We start off Diddy's adventures in 6th grade. Diddy had the weirdest teacher ever, not sure if it was because it was his 1st year teaching or if it was just because he was a complete doofus.  But, all around, he was odd. He use to stick his pencil in his ear, then to his nose and then to his mouth. HONEST! Ask Diddy's brother, Grodey.

She loved to chase the boys at school, throw wet toilet paper at the ceiling, serve school lunch, Chinese jump rope, play on the tire swing, slam a little tether ball, run down the boys laboratory. Now, that last one was a big no no.  Us Wincoln Wions were quite the boundary testers.

In 6th grade you change and become more aware of the boys around you. Diddy had the crushes on most the boys in school, but decided she would go steady with a kid we will call Len.

Len and Diddy would walk home from school every day. They would talk and throw rocks, just stupid kid stuff. They never held hand or anything, I mean really she was too young. She was raised in a box, as you will find out down the road.

Towards the end of the school year, they held the maturation program. Diddy was very nervous. Neither her Mom or Dad could attend, so she went by herself. And let me tell you, just like the time she watched The FLY at her Aunties and found out where babies really come out of, her eyes went extra-ordinarily big and she was in complete shock. Panic seemed to set in as she slouched down in her chair. She looked around the room and made sure no one was watching her, she hated getting embarrassed. Diddy wasn't ready for this odd change. Bigger boobies, pimples, body odor, body hair and shaving... and the worst of all.. Mother Nature, REDRUM, riding the cotton pony, TOM (time of month) or AUNT FLO.

Why in the world, for the love of Pete and Mary, would anyone think that having a period was a good thing.  She is a woman now, she can have babies, all the while Diddy was thinking..WHO CARES, I am only 11.

Shortly, after that horrific and uncomfortable ordeal, Diddy was walking home with Len. They had only made it to the corner and the 1st words out of his mouth were as follow, "I have a penis and you have a vagina!" Diddy was so embarrassed. How could he possibly know that is what it was called or that she had one. She had no idea until today that their parts weren't called private parts or their potty. She ran home crying from humiliation. She never talked to Len again. Honestly, never. Until about two weeks ago when she saw him in Wally World. She, however, did tell someone the story of this dreadful day and they told Len a few months ago and I think he understand that Diddy, didn't hate him. She just meant what she said, She was never going to speak to him again. But, time goes on, and friends in grade school don't end being your friends in Jr. High and High School. That is probably more the reason.

A few months later she started her monthly visits from Aunt Flo. They were worse than she could have ever imagined. Cramping, achy, chills, throwing up, headache, bitchiness, maxi pads, leakage.. you name it, Diddy had experienced it. If you were to ask Diddy today, she would say that she was cursed by The Devil in a Red Dress.

Friggin City - Chpt. 2

Today we start our journey with Diddy and one of her little friends, Jalinda. Now Diddy use to love to go over to Jalinda's house. They had the coolest house, and it seemed like there were 15 kids in the family, but after counting, there were only 5. Seems odd,  anywhoseroonies...


Diddy and Jalinda use to get in all sorts of trouble. From teasing her little sister, Faylene, having sleep overs all the time, but Diddy didn't do well at sleepovers, seemed to like her own bed too much. She would make up all sorts of excuses and make her Dad come get her. They also enjoyed starting fires.. WHAT?! Yes, fires. They use to go up to girls camp, ever year, once we hit merry old age of 12. We got to camp, hunt for snipes, sing corny songs like..

MUSICAL SEQUENCE!


Down by the banks of the hanky panky,
Where the bullfrogs jump from bank to banky,
With an ee, eye, ooh, ah,
Eases off the lily with a ker-plop


OK, that was.. uh.. weird.. Back to the story. Where was I, Girls camp.  Well Jalinda and Diddy use to like to dig holes up at camp and seemed to find all the toilet paper in camp and we found matches, in camp and 1+1+matches= FIRE!

But, this adventure takes place a few year back when Jalinda's Indian sister, Pita, lived there. Diddy use to have really long blonde hair, WHA! Blonde?! With a double take... yes, blonde, I hate my blonde hair now.. and honestly if I was to not dye it dark, I couldn't even tell you what my natural color is or was or should be.. oh, wait, I am not talking about me, I am talking about Diddy.. oops.

So, Pita has stuck a pony tail in Diddy's hair and she used on of those that had the balls on the end of them, yellow i believe. So when Diddy went to take it out, it was wrapped so tight and the balls weren't in the right place, so they kept getting in the way.. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! Well, instead of asking for help, because Diddy, for some odd reason, always thought that if she asked for help, she must have done something wrong and so by not asking for help, they won't know.

She grabs a pair of scissors and start cutting the ponytail out. Well after a snip here and snip there, it was out. She was no longer Chinese, eye were big and round again. But as she looked into the sink she went pale as a ghost. There was a huge chunk of hair attached to the ponytail holder. Now, if she could have, she would have said, "oh shit." But because she was only about 8 or 9 she had to hide the hair.

She grabbed the chunk of hair from the sink and decided to look around the house for a great hiding spot. Don't ask me why it didn't register to her that she should just throw it away. Seems simple enough, but Diddy was a complicated little girl.  So, after looking for what seemed like 3 minutes, she found the perfect spot. On top of the weird tape recorder that her Dad had. It was brown, had two tape reels and it was on a stand that had wheels. So she sets it down on top of that and pushes the cart under the counter. All the while thinking, I am sure no one is going to use this.. If I place this here, no one will EVER find out.

To Diddy's surprise,her mother, Dirty D, found it. Confronted Diddy and of course, Diddy lied. You will find out Diddy can lie with best of them. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID... Oh hell, that was totally inappropriate. Sorry.

So, once Dirty D convinced Diddy that she was the only one in the house with long blonde hair, Diddy admitted to what she had done. Now, if Diddy would have just asked for help or told her mom she cut her hair on accident she wouldn't have gotten in trouble for lying. Of course she was grounded.. as you will also find out.. Diddy spends 90% of her childhood grounded.

Stay tuned for Chpt. 3

Friggin City - Chpt. 1

Once upon a time, in the wondrous land of Friggin City, lived a little girl named Diddy. I would like to start off by saying, she was the most well behaved little girl you would have ever seen, BUT that would be a lie. She was a complete turd. And with her occasional accomplices you will see that she wasn't only a turd, but sometimes much, much worse. What could be worse you ask. A shit, she was a little shit.

On these adventures they will take place in different parts of Friggin City, neighbor's houses, families, friends and you will also notice, not all are bad, some are good, fun, odd and some troublesome. But that is for you to decided.

Our 1st adventure Diddy was in 2nd grade. She had the most amazing teacher, Mrs. Huggsalot. She was great, her husband would dress up as Frankenstein on Halloween, we, I mean they learned how to make butter and all sorts of fun stuff. One day Diddy was chosen to be the "student of the day."

She was so excited, had never received such honors before. What wonderful things would she get for being the "student of the day?" Well, she got a little badge and a piece of candy. Mrs. Huggsalot kept her candy on the very tip top shelf in her classroom so that kids would attempt to get into it. But Diddy saw that as a challenge, she hated to wait, she was a very impatient little girl. By the end of the day Diddy had been trying so very hard to wait for that one piece of candy. She waited, and waited, but she could wait no longer..

Now, before I tell you the rest, this candy was the best ever! It was this white nougat square, that had chopped up jelly beans in it,  not much flavor, really chewy, but delightful. I am sure if Diddy tried it today, she would realize it takes like crap. But, hey, she was 8.

Now, She could wait no longer, as Mrs. Huggsalot was not looking, she stood and stared in awe at what seems like 50 ft tall bookshelf. She thought, I can do this, I can do this and next thing you know, SHE DID IT. All the way to the top and right as she reached her little innocent hand into the candy box.. CRASH! The whole thing, books, decorations, personal items, EV-ER-Y-THING! Came crashing down and under all the rubble was Diddy, with her piece of candy. she had really done it. Mrs. Huggsalot didn't get mad she just looked at Diddy, gave her a hug and sent her on her way.What a teacher.

So as you can see, Diddy's adventures. not all bad, not all good, will come in time. But what she is most excited to tell you about is her neighbor's. Oh, now they were some amazing creatures.

Stay tunes for Chpt. 2

Totally inappropriate.. sorry mom.

I woke up this morning singing the song, ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI. Well, I jumped into the shower and started thinking. And yes, you guessed it, one thing led to another and I came up with this totally inappropriate song. I am going to a send out a sincere apology to my Mother. It just popped in, I can't control the crap that come in, when I am in the mode, I gotta let it flow.


So, here goes yo!


Was walking down main street,
Just minding my biz.
When a smoking hot vah-toe,
Drove by in a whiz.

He rolled down his win-dow,
And asked me my name.
He had such a bitch'n car,
I got in and said, Jane.

The next thing that I know,
I 'm covered in..EWWW!
I lost my virginity,
To some stupid fool.

The event was plain awful,
He kissed like a goat.
I wanted to throw up,
As I reached for my coat.

I ran down the front steps,
And into the road.
I ran for my dear life,
Took off with no hope.


the moral of this story...
is just cause he hot,
doesn't mean hes got mad skill
just means you got GOT.


Took out a verse to save my mothers eyes...
So, YES, junk like this is what goes through
my head on any given day.

*NOTE: Not children tested, definitely not mother approved.

Closet Gamer

So, I have decided to finally come out of the closet and grab my Xbox controller and plop on the couch.

I have been playing video games since I was a wee shitlin and now that I am a "grown-up" I still can't resist the temptations. Let's see where should I begin? Ahh...

It actually started with the Atari but, it all went down hill back in the 80's when my little brother, I call him Fatboy, although he is not even chubby, he is actually very fit, he rides a bicycle with his girlie friend, who also can put any ones womanly figure to shame and hopefully will be family soon, if my brother does what he is suppose to do!! *head shake* totally off track. OK, where was I? Nintendo, Right. So, I am sure fatboy got the Nintendo for one of his birthdays and that is when me, Fatboy and Bobo became gamers. Fatboy and Bobo, they are my little brothers.

Now, unlike my brother, who is the most amazing gamer, and my little one Zak, who is following right behind him, I tried my best to keep up. We would play Zelda, and find all the hidden things in the bushes and walls, Mega Man, Metriod, Excite Bike, Double Dragon, Castlevania, on this one you had to turn around and squat down and hope treasure came up. Fatboy always knew where that was and this was before Internet, you couldn't get online and look up cheat codes, you actually had to be smart enough to figure them out. Games like Contra, up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, a, b, a, b, select, start. I think... maybe it was b,a,start. Anyway, oh and who can forget the best ever MARIO BROTHERS, who my kids are going to be for Halloween this year.

Then, it was onto Sega Genisis, with Sonic the Hedgehog, Super Nintendo, Gameboy, Nintendo 64, Dreamcast, Playstation, Xbox, Gamecube, Playstation 2, Playstation 3, Xbox 360, Nintendo DS, PSP, Nintendo DSi.. WOW, all those. Good times.

Now, this is where I get in trouble. When I was married to Jeuc, you remember him from the past stories, my babies daddy. Who dat is? Oh, dats just my babies daddy.  It's actually a song that Tawanda and Raspusha listen to all the time. Which down the road, I will write about some of our Miss adventures.

OK, so this is where I would get in trouble. I would get online and play games like scrabble or something else, but there would be complete ass hats on there being all stupid and such, so I would talk smack. lol And  I guess he didn't appreciate my smack talking to complete strangers, but you know what they were stupid and deserved all the crap I threw at them.

Because of this poor behavior, he would hide my headset so I couldn't do it. But every time, I would find it. Like really? Try and hide something from me, I will find it. How? You ask. Cause I hide EVERYTHING!
I know all the good spots!

Well, now that I am the big "D" I can play all I want, but I don't have a headset anymore. Although, I plan on buying one. Can't wait to talk smack to complete idiots. It's one of my greatest talents. Really it is. Don't want to get all big headed, but I can talk smack with the best of them. Whats that? You wish you could too. You wonder how lucky I am to be born with such a great talent?  It's actually a curse, I never know when to stop. Its like a river of BS that flows out my mouth, into your ear and then SMACKS you in the face.

So, Zak is gone this weekend, and I plan on playing me some Harry Potter Lego game.  Maybe a little scrabble, against my sister and mom, Fable II or I will attempt Halo with Fatboy, who knows.

But I do know this.

I am an addict, a bloody gamer and I am not ashamed. I am proud to announce that I can waste time with the best of them. Callused thumbs and all. Can't wait till I can't move then anymore and I sue Nintendo for my horrible disability.

CHA-Ching!! That's the pay off.. SHOW ME THE MONEY!!

I'm Proud to be a VEGETARIAN

If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’ve eaten in my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my soup spoon and my knife.

I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be liv'n here today.
Cause the food I have chosen to eat,
doesn't make a Moo or NAY...aayyy

And I’m proud to be a vegetarian,
where at least I know It's meat free.
And I wont forget the cows who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I'll gladly stand up,
in front of you and defend those fruits today.
Cause there ain’t no doubt I love tofu,
God bless the beans and greens.

From the bleak taste of tofu burgers,
to the hills where I pick my peas.
Across the forest for some mushrooms,
and from beet to juicy beet.

I don't eat chicken or red meat,
Its just to damn blood-ay.
Well there's blood in every animals heart,
and that's why I chose greens today...ayyy.

Cause I’m proud to be a Vegetarian,
where at least I know It's meat free.
And I wont forget the cows who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend those beans today.
Cause there ain’t no doubt, I have bad gas,
God bless the beans and greeeeeeeeeens.

Cause I’m proud to be a Vegetarian,
where at least I know It's meat free.
And I wont forget the cows who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend those beans today.
Cause there ain’t no doubt I have bad gas,
God bless the beans and greens.

New to Blog..




So, after a few peeps said that I should write a blog, cause I guess I am full of B O L O G N A and a few more telling me they check my FB daily to see what kinda hola baloo I can come up with. I decided, okie dokie, a blog spot it is. So here it is, this is where you will find more in depth, Katietawandaficationing. I seldom use big words, but that seemed so appropriate.

I have found that I like to use the awe shock and jaw drop effect, So I find it rightfully so that I would call my blog, Your Daily with Katie, as in your daily dose of everything random. You see, whether it be a snap of the surgical glove and a signaling to assume the position or it be the world from the eyes of yours truly. It should be.... interesting. An apple a day, a spoon full of sugar, a cup o'joe or a shot to the heart, it's all here. your daily with Katie.

I have many thing I plan on writing about, things that bug, my want lists, my stupid neighbors, people I see in Wally world, I carry a camera every time I go. I like to call it, YOUR TEAM, rules and regulations to follow. My favorite sayings, advice, might even throw in a recipe or two. You never know what my mood will be on any given day.

So, sit back and enjoy the ride, please keep your hands and feet inside the cart at all time, I am not responsible for bad advice, misunderstood what have yous, my horrible ideas of a good time or anything else that I write on here, for I am one, in a sea of many and if you take my writing literally and want to, let's just say, reenact one of my "examples" All I would have to say, is way to go dip shit. I write about them, cause I want you to know what NOT to do...

Mrs. Fix It and her retirement

OK,  Wednesday June 4, 2008, I decided, hey, my dryer is broken again, I will fix it! I went and spent $50 on parts, had to replace the heating element in the dryer, which I had replaced at least 5 times, I got it all fixed running great except the dryer wasn't putting out any heat so I unplugged it. YES, it was UNPLUGGED!!!

I took the top and front off, had my left arm leaning on the metal drum and reached back with my left arm. Strange, I haven't really thought about it till now, but how the crap did I do that? Must be a contortionist. I was just needing to switch the plugs around, see the positive and negative were switched aroonied, which made the heating element not HEAT. I have done it many times. Really, many, many times. Then all the sudden.

ZAP!   BAM!    KABOOM!    BUZZZZ!!!!    ELECTROCUTION!

Seriously! I got zapped for a few seconds, but what seemed like for frigg'n ever. I mean FOR - E- VUR and during this horribly painful and I mean PAINFUL ordeal. I thought, SHIT, this is it, what a freaking way to go. You better pull your hand away stupid or your dead. So I tried and on the third jolt it worked, my hand and arm was free. It was strange because the jolts were so intense each time it would jolt, I swear my body went into an X shape and you could see my skeleton, like on Tom and Jerry.

I took a looksie at the hand and thought Oh, Shit! I think and often say shit so get use to it. So, once again, I thought SHIT! I realized the skin was melted off my birdy finger and my arm was a bit bruised. So I made sure that the small fire went out that had caught the lint on fire and shut all the power off to the house, just in case, trying to be safe. You know me, I am a safety girl! I know a little late for that, right. Walked up stairs really calm, kids were eating lunch, got my phone, went back down stairs to the scene of the incident and called Jeuc and I FREAKED OUT! I mean FER-EAKED!!

I am sure he heard something like, mucha lay blimbo jaw...which in freaked out Katie language means - Come home, I got electrocuted! I had to repeat it 3 times until he understood me. He called his mom and she came over, like no big deal and I answered the door holding my arm as if it was going to fall off and said she asked, "are you OK?"  Then she looked at my arm and paniced and said, "OH MY!"

You see, Jeremy's mom is very use to her kids getting hurt, baseball bats to the head, fires in the barn, hot irons on the chest. You know, normal country boys. Once she got a good look and realized I was pretty messed up, she said, "Get in the car we are going to hospital" and I was thinking, NO SHIT Sherlock, why do you think you are here?! So as fast as she could, she drove me to the hospital.

Jeuc, which BTW.. is my ex husband, his real name is Jeremy, but he has been called Jeuc since before I met him in 1993 so, when you see that name, it is pronounced, juice and he is also my babies daddy. NOW, back to the story. He was on his way to the hospital, but he was in Salt Lake and I think it took him maybe 20 minutes to get from SLC to Brigham City.

They checked my heart, it was fine. I was there for about 4 hours being monitored and doped up on percocet and zanex, what a great mix by the way, I highly recommend it. the only better thing,  an epidural.

They sent me home. I was ok, but in some incredible pain. Not only burning, but shooting pains and very tender extremities. I had to go to a plastic surgeon and I he said didn't need a skin graph, thank goodness.  I went back for my check up and all was well, I am just glad I am still alive.

If the volts would have not exited though my arm, which was resting on top of the metal drum. They believe it would have hit my heart and I would be gone and that is what they call DONE SON!  Kicked the bucked, six feet under or as some odd people like to call it. Dead.

So that is the story of Mrs. Fix It, and her retirement! No more fixing electrical appliance, I will just buy a new one and no more shocking games for me, for some odd reason, not as much fun anymore.

Moral of the story....

Just cause you can and know how, doesn't mean you should.



Here is a story of one of my many law breaking moments....


So at Noon, on April 19th, 2009, I was so kindly visited by a lovely man from the Sheriffs Department. I answered the door, in my comfies, you know the capri sweatpants and a long sleeve shade shirt, I was hot to trot, let me tell you. Well he says I need to pick up some boots, I said oh no, why were they stolen?

See about a month ago I bought some DC snow boarding boots through eBay, haven't used my eBay account since July of 2007. The only thing that I do use it for, is when Jessica needs to send me cash for stuff like gifts that we go in together on, cause she is in EYE-DA-HOE and I am stuck here in EWE-TAH. Anyways, I paid with pay pal, and I use the credit card that was saved on file, you know, you put one in it takes the old one off and saves the info automatically, but, usually I use my bank account, but I didn't have anything in there, cause I never use it, so I used the credit card. So, that fills you in on some of it, now back to the rest.

So He comes in and motions that I should ask the kids playing video games to leave the room, like he has some horrible news to tell me, so I say, Zak go in mommies room, he says NO! I was like, holy shit, NOW, you are going to do this. NOW?! The child never talked back to me and NOW he makes this his 1st time? He got the look of death and I said, GO!

So I sit down and he says I need to talk to you about some boots, I was like OK? He asked if I paid for them , I said of course I did. Do you have proof? Well, yes I do, come in here and look at my computer. Where I just sent the back talker and now had to kick him out of here, oh, and my computer is in my bedroom. I was thinking, oh great, he's going to think I am trying to seduce him by asking him to come into my room and look something up. I tell ya what, the things that go through my head at the most inappropriate time. Just plain wrong.

OK, I like to kinda stray away from the story, I think I am what you would call a Jumper. Which mean I can tell 3 or 4 stories at one time and I know what I am saying and where I am in that particular story and why story A and B have nothing in common, but once put with D and E in such an order as A,E,D,C,B, then it all basically says the same thing.. get it?

OK back to the story. I said, come in here and I will pull up both my pay pal and my eBay accounts and show you. I told him how Josh searched for days and found these and paid with his own money to get em. I was so proud, my kid saved some money. WOW, what a concept, really. It was amazing.

So I pulled up my eBay and said see, it says paid for.  Then I pull up my pay pal and said SEE, with a slight snotty attitude, it also says paid. Then I get looking closer and I am freaking out a bit. The billing address isn't my address. I said wait this isn't my address and he said no, it isn't your address and we did that back and for a few time, until he said look at it, it should be familiar to you. So I looked for a moment and went OH SHIT! That is the address for my old job back in 2007. He said, YEP, it is. Then I remembered, I let them use my account to pay for a Frisbee Golf set, you see they make trampolines, soccer nets, all sorts off goodies for the kids, So they wanted to start making Disc Golf stuff too.

Brodey, my brotha from the same motha should remember this because he is "Frofler" as I like to call it He doesnt appreciate the name, but I insinst on calling it that. I told my boss about him and said he should get with my brother, he knows everything about frolfing.  Anyway, they ordered one and for some reason I let them use my pay pal account to pay for it. They entered in their CC # and I never thought twice about it.

Come to find out, the info was never deleted and I totally forgot that I ever did that till he made me really look at the address, then I freaked. If you don't use it, it still saves it for next time. So that is what it was all about.
I honestly couldn't understand why they wouldn't have just called me and said, hey is there a reason you used our credit card for $33.00? I mean, yeah $500, $5000  maybe send the cops to take this chicka to jail, but $33.00? Honestly, it was a big miss understand, and if you become a constant reader you will see, I have MANY, misunderstandings. Some intentional, most not so much.

So I went in talked with the man, told him what happened and wrote him a check. Glad that it all worked out, He said he thought it was something like that, and once again I thought, then why in the bloody hells bells didn't you just call me. I mean really.
So long story short, I did not go to jail. I did not steal someones credit card # and use it. So that is a good thing. The cop that came by was really nice, he didn't even laugh when I started crying like a baby, that was super dope of him. I found out he knows my cousin, Brandon. So another plus, I guess. You see, anytime I get in trouble, with the law, or in general I like to drop names. Like hey do you know this person and the reply, Well yeah, I do. I answer back well guess what me too, so were like cool then, right?
So, if you lend out your pay pal or anything that takes a credit card, make sure it deletes the info, this could happen to any of you. If you don't have cash in the one account it automatically goes to the default account, and if your hubby keeps the CC, then you cant check the numbers. Especially when is it like xxxx-xxxx-xxxx-#### space cadet, yes, but not my fault.

So the moral of THIS story...
Don't offer your service to everyone. Because one day, it will come back to bite you in the keyster. Not so much like Karma, cause bad + bad = Bad Karma, I mean, you think you were doing a good thing, but when you add stupid + stupid its usually equals Goll dern IDIOTIC!

The Neighbor's I HATE.

OK, so just beginning at this bloggin foo ha ha and my 1st PEEVE. My frigg'n neighbors, I mean really! REALLY! Who has their music up so loud, in a town house apartment never the less, that as I lay in bed and wonder what in the bejeebers those words mean and strangely enough I keep looking around for a quarter slot for the vibrating bed. At some point they are bound to turn it down 12 a.m. comes, Still up. 2 a.m. Still there, 4:30 A.M WHAT THE CRAP JOE?! Still, it continues.


So, I wait till the next weekend, which is TODAY and its 10 p.m. quiet as can be. I have noticed through out the week that my urge to throw rocks at their "stupid ass" kids has calmed down low to non existence. Playing with Zak on Happy Potter Lego, which as I might say, I am a closet gamer, love video games. I could honestly spend all day playing that crap, but back to the point. 10 p.m. quiet. but not for long. Just as I breath a sigh of relief, BOOM BOOM! Oh, for the love of Pete and Mary, Jophuss and Michael Jackson. Are you kidding me?! I mean really! REALLY!


So, I sit for a while. I go outside look and see how many cars are out there. hmmm.. suspicious, only three tonight. This can't last that long. Well a few guys come out, get in there pimped out Escalade and drive off. The neighbor to the right of me comes out and I chat for a bit about this and that, really nothing at all. I could have had a better conversation with the lady in the box at McDonald's, meaning the , *SQUACK* Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order? lady. But lookie lookie who pulls up, those 3 guys with an 18 pack of beer. EACH. OH SHIT! It's going to be a long night.


So, what do I have to say to that. R-E-S-P-E-C-T I'll tell you what it means to me. Well what it means if you live in an apartment or for that matter a decent neighborhood, have a little respect for your neighbor's and turn that crap down.. and yes, I mean CRAP.. It's not even good music. It's flat out poo poo ka choo! Think about the people around you that have kids, a job or what have you and turn it down before I cone take you to China town yo!


I did attend a soiree the other night and it was quiet loud, BUT the people that hosted the party sent letters to each of the neighbors and informed them of the goings on and everyone was fine. Now that is respect. So, do I take reference from "FRED" the movie and say, SOMEBODY CALL 911?  Or Do I ignore it and let my neighbor's rock out with their.. well, you get the point. I say ten more minutes and I will be knocking on the door and asking politely,

HEY, turd bucket. Would you mind turning it down so that my kids can go to sleep? Just a suggestions.


Tune in later to see the on going saga of..... The Neighbors I Hate.