Slip, Slidin Away

Growing up a Katie-did - Chpt. 8

Did you know that 90% of people have an inny belly button, yup, true fact. Something to think about there yo. Now that I got that off my chest.. Growing up Katie has some of the funnest neighbors EV-RRR.. For a short time the Bergeson's that lived in the yellow house, but they moved away after my sister gave her a roll of lifesavers.. Jessica had that way about her.. The Checketts moved in shortly after that and they had two kids, Elisha and Cameron aka Cam and Leasha. These two kids were the perfect match for us. Just damn nuts. We were like 6 peas in a pod.. that fell out of some alien ship.. Well more like dropped out of one, on to our heads as the aliens screamed as it flew away, KEEP EM!

Katie and Leash use to all sort of fun crap together. They would get all the glass bowls out, fill them with water and bubbles and give their Barbie's a hot tub, when they were 16. Seriously.. 16. They watch Days of Our Lives while playing with pop tops and then sticking them to our face.. But Leash remembered to take hers off. Katie.. was not so lucky, she had a big ol' purple hicky in the middle of her 4-head for quite a while and one on her upper lip from sucking on a film tube, not knowing it would leave a Hitler stash, rocked that shit for over a week. They would tape their faces up and pull their eyes, noses, lips in all sorts of directions and wander around. Sliding down the stairs in sleeping bags, on cookie sheets, in laundry baskets. Shit, they had a riot!

Probably one of the most epic things they did was jump on the tramp with the sprinklers on.  Cam was the oldest and for some reason we could talk him into pretty much anything. This was one of the most fantastic times.

Leash and Katie  liked to walk to Sev  (7-11) and get a Big Gulp and a weenie.. Now, come on, really? Get your mind outa the gutter! That story comes later.. BAH! Sorry.. Totally laughed out loud..lol  meow.  As their minds wandered about what non-sense they could get themselves into this fine Summer day, they came up with the idea of soaping up a certain big brotha and spraying him down and making him a slide. And wouldn't ya know it.. Sev sold Ivory dish soap. They grabbed a bottle and ran home, told Cam about their brilliant idea and he was on board! SUE-WHEAT! Outside they ran, covered his back and belly with soap, sprayed him down like a sexy car wash girl as he rubbed it in. He would get on his hands and knees and make a slide out of himself and one after the other we would slide down his back. WWEEEEEEEE! It was so stinking fun! If we could have marketed the Camslide we would have. Poor bastard.. I do believe that was the year the Checketts lawn died. Wasn't me!

So what's the lesson in this story? Shit, I ain't got one yo. Maybe to not be afraid the be a sexy car wash bitch. Own that shit! MAYBE, someday someone will soap you up and slip and slide down you!

Yip-EE-Ky-Ay Hit it and quit it! Word

Friggin City - Chpt. 7

Today's adventure beings in high school. Diddy was an overly social little butterfly. Never really understood the reason for school, except for the need to congregate in the parking lot before, during and after school. In her many day's of chill'in live a vill'in, she met some wonderful people who still today she values as great friends and today's story involves one of them that goes by the name Bamber.

One of her favorite classes that she had was being the T.A. in Greenhouse with Mr. L. She got to make copies, run errands and basically just sit on the counter and B.S. the entire hour, a dream come true. In the class was one of her cohort’s, Bamber. Diddy and Bamber had a history of being a menace to south central and this was the most colossal event to date. 

To begin the story off right, I have to go in depth about one of Mr. L's responsibilities. He was in charge of making copies for the school and had access to all sorts of wonderful things, assignments and things of that nature, but also he made copies of citizenship reward coupons. I can't off the top of my noggin remember what they were exactly called, but basically, when you got good citizenship you received coupons for various places in Friggin City where you could get discounts or free items, such as a FREE BIG GULP at 7-11. Diddy never did receive one of these reward packets. Surprised? Didn't think so.

For some odd reason Bamber had the brilliant idea to make copies, of said coupons and as Diddy watched, she was totally baffled why she would lay them out on a page like that, just kind of here and there, no rhyme or reason behind it. The way Diddy envisioned it in her head and shortly demonstrated, was that if you cut them out just right and laid them on a page, then taped them, you could get more on the page and it would make it easier to cut out and distribute, you know, more bang for your buck.  So Diddy proceeded to show her exactly how a real counterfeiter would do it. 

Now I won't get into exact numbers, because that is between her and the copy machine, but there was a plethora of coupons. Diddy and Bamber proudly distributed their masterpieces to the students who were so lucky to be involved, but never named and proceeded on their day as though nothing but pure genius had just happened. Well that's where they went wrong. Assuming that no one was the wiser, but Diddy, forgetful at times, left the master copy on the machine. Yup, shit had just hit the fan.

While Diddy was sitting in Physics class, I believe with Mr. C, the devil with no hair.. We will call him Mr. M.. Proceeded in to the classroom and Diddy knew the jig was up, busted with a capital B. As Mr. M took Diddy to a secluded classroom where her mother, Dirty D, was seated, oh yes, the wire hanger had been found in the closet and she was toast. Mr. M went over the copies they found, asked who, what, when, where, why and how many. Diddy just sank deeper and deeper into pure embarrassment and hell, like when you put Gak in your hand and it oozes through your fingers.

Dirty D was mortified, she couldn't believe that her daughter would do something that awful. She explained how illegal it was and that she was very disappointed in Diddy.  If you are anything like a normal child, having your parents tell you they are disappointed in you, is worse that a beating with a salted, lemon soaked willow branch.. I put some thought in to that one, oh yes I did.. Sounds painful, huh.. Dirty D mentioned that Diddy should have to pay for every single coupon at face value. Do you realize the amount that would be?! Let me explain, if you take Z (amount of coupons) x .89 (cost) that equals ..Didn't know I knew math, did ya? .. A BUTT LOAD OF FLO, YO!  Diddy was angry that her mother would suggest such a horrific idea and she told her mother that too.

After all was said and done, Diddy and Bamber were sent to the gallows and forced to do 30 hours of janitorial work. They scrubbed desks, toilets, bathroom stalls, lockers, you name it they scrubbed it. They were informed that if they didn't complete their sentence, they wouldn't graduate. So after school they put on their black and white stripped jumpsuits and carried out their punishment. 

You will be glad to know that they did graduate..barely.

So the moral of the story here.. Never leave the master copy on the copy machine. What, you thought I would say, "Don't be like the Fratelli's and make Data think he found fifty dowah bihwls!" Nope, just be smart, don't get caught.