Today's troubles started when Diddy was in 7th grade. She had become more aware of the way she looked. Making sure her hair is just so, make up and her new hobby, plucking those Caterpillar eyebrows. Diddy use to love to watch her sister get ready in the morning. Messica was one of the "cool kids" at school. She always had perfect hair, clothes that were stylin and the cutest boys around her.So Diddy started paying attention to how she was doing it and followed closely behind. She worshiped that girl. Think she still does. AWE, tender monent, wipe the tear, *sniff*sniff*..
Diddy was in the kitchen cleaning up and doing the dishes. Her mother, Dirty D, had made scones the night before so there was a pot of grease on the stove top. Diddy turned that on to melt it so she could pour it back into the original container and throw it away. It never occurred to Diddy to just scoop the solid grease out and throw that way.
She was more of , how do I out this, Mad Scientist that new nothing. I suppose. She and her brother's use to take all the spices out of the cupboard, the soy sauce, mustard, pickle juice and basically whatever they could get their hands on, mix it all together to see what disgusting concoction they could come up with. Now that Diddy is older, she realizes the cost that goes behind spices and such and once again, would like to send out a sincere apology to her mother for the amount of money she wasted.
Back to the story. Diddy turned the stove on and proceeded to melt the grease. She didn't think to look to see what temperature it was set at and later found out why you don't melt grease on high, but that was just the 1st mistake. She finished cleaning and went into her mom's bathroom, climbed up on the the counter and started plucking her eyebrows. That was her 2nd mistake. After about 5-10 minutes Diddy started to smell something strange. Then all of the sudden she hears this horrific PLOP! She looked away from the mirror and almost in slow motion like on The Christmas Story she though SSSSHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIITTT! Not fudge, she didn't say fudge. but she does like walnut fudge that her Auntie makes. BTW
She jumped off the counter and ran to the kitchen. The grease was a blazing! She paniced and started screaming for her Mom. All the while thinking, Holy shit, my ass is grass.. I am DONE SON! Out like the red headed step child. Aborted at age 13. Her Mom came hauling butt up the stair and freaked. Now, if you knew Diddy's mother she is very sweet, very proper. But when Diddy's Mom got mad, HELL HATH NO FURY like Dirty D. But we totally deserved some of the wrath we got. I mean really, she burned down the NEWLY remodeled kitchen.
Dirty D grabbed a lid and put the fire out. Diddy stared in awe at the charred wood work above the stove, the melted light covers and knew that I was out of luck on this one. No superman could save Loise Lane from this pickle. Oddly enough Dirty D said only a few words to Diddy. And they are as follows:
"YOU RUINED MY PAN!"
She though, are you serious?! I just lit your kitchen on fire and you are mad about the pan? Wow, Diddy was expecting to be sent out to live in the dog house or something worse. Having to pack my things and go live at the neighbor's house. *Shivers* Now that would have been a hell that no child would have ever wished on anyone else.
But, all ended better than Diddy had thought, I don't know how long she was grounded for, but I know it was a coon's age. Which according the the Urban Dictionary is roughly 8 1/2 years.
So that's the story of Grease Lighting.
Stay Tuned for Chpt. 5
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